Dads. We love them and we love to hate 'em. One thing that can be said about almost every father in the world is that they try. Some definitely try harder than others. As we take a day to celebrate our fathers (usually by just leaving them alone and letting them watch golf on television), we must take some time to recognize some mishaps that our dear old dad has experienced.
We'll see a couple of stores or restaurants that tried to create a unique and special experience for fathers, but fell a little short. We'll also see a few dads that had good intentions, but also came up short. We'll also see some pops that just flat out didn’t give too much of an effort at all, and the results may be terrifying.
Here are 7 Father’s Day messy attempts to make us laugh this June!
1. IS THIS SOME KIND OF A TRAP?
Ah, Shroomer’s Pizza. Where pizza is far out, man. Believe it or not, this is not a list item that belongs in “20 Names of Eateries for High Times.” Although don’t be surprised if I try to write that article next time. No, this well-meaning restaurant was trying to appeal to a certain type of dad from the look of their sign. Maybe they felt bad that fathers who are having to pay child support may be a little short on dough (ugh, sorry, honestly didn’t mean to have a pizza-pun here). Maybe they wanted to help them out a little bit.
Regardless, this is a huge sign that simply says, “Dads, we want to help out with a free slice of pizza on Father's Day.” But they couldn’t just give a slice to EVERY father. The place would be packed, and hundreds of pies would have to be given away! They'd be put out of business in one day! So they decided to help the father who has to support the little ones that may only be there every other weekend. The stub request is a little risky, though. I can almost bet that some dads decided AGAINST going in, thinking it might have been a way for someone to double-check on timely payments.
2. GATOR BAIT?
I’m disturbed. I keep trying to give this dad in the photo the benefit of the doubt, but the terrifying doubts are just continuously outweighing any benefit. Why would this be happening? At first, I thought, “Okay, sure. He’s a good dad. Just trying to hold the kid so he can see better. Thoughtful, right?” No. Definitely not. Look, the gators are right underneath the kid!
Notice I said gators plural?. Come on, Dad! Two of them are right there! Then I thought that maybe he’s setting his on the fence for a quick little pic. Or adjusting his hold, right? Yeah, he's just transferring weight so he can snuggle the baby more effectively.
No. This kid is definitely Michael-Jackson-Blanket-over-a-balcony material, here. Every fiber of my being is flinching. I’ve seen the documentaries. They’re not pleasant. Sorry to say, but this little tyke wouldn’t put up a good fight that some of those wildebeests in Australia would be able to do. At least wildebeests have horns to try to fight the gators off with! This has trouble written all over it, and we have to move on quickly before jungle-Jerry in his camouflage shorts says something like, “I thought I had a good grip…”
3. HEY LITTLE BRUH, WANNA SPOT ME?
Sweat stains aside, this dad has some issues. Sure, he’s strong. Absolutely, we can appreciate the fact that he’s trying to get his child involved with his activities. But, dad, you can’t bust out a Baby Bjorn while squatting a weight that weighs at least half a ton! The only way this'll go well is if Dad pushes this weight up without any problems. Think about it!
He can’t fall backward, or his little kid falls back against the dad and risks getting hurt.
Pops can’t drop the weight in front of him, because there's a cute little bald head with growth plates still forming! And he sure as heck can’t let the weight fall on him, because he would’t be the only one squished by that massive barbell. Or dumbbell. Yeah. That’s what it’s called, and now I’m starting to understand why. The best is the conversation that comes back to Mom after someone posts this picture on Insta:
“You did WHAT?”
“Hey, no big deal. I lifted it no problem. I could do more, y'know…”
“But…you did WHAT??”
“The other guys were there. They were watching! You know, while they were also lifting.”
“You did…WHAAAT?”
“It’s ok, I was wearing my jean shorts. You know how well I can lift in my jean shorts, babe.”
4. WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
This picture has so many things wrong with it, that I don’t know where to begin. At first glance, the most obvious thing comes to mind. A baby is riding on a motorcycle with someone we can only assume to be her father. At second glance, the baby is not just riding on a motorcycle, the baby is standing on a motorcycle with her dad. At next glance, the baby is not just standing on a motorcycle with her dad, and not hanging on. Instead, it looks like she's just holding some kind of toy. At the third and last glance, the baby is not just standing and not hanging on to a motorcycle with her dad.
But he's looking somewhere else and NOT HOLDING THE CHILD.
Now it might be that this is another part of the world, and standards and laws may be different. We've all seen that people in different cultures may be safer than we are used to in some ways, or seemingly not as safe in others. This, to most of us, seems like it is probably one of those cases. Oh, but the biggest problem with this picture? Um…headwear much? Since when has it been okay for the dad to wear a helmet, and the baby to not wear one? When was the last time a baby bonnet helped protect a cranium in a crash?
5. CONTROL, ALT, NEGLECT… I MEAN DELETE
Wow. No, I mean, that’s what he’s probably playing. W.O.W. as in World of Warcraft. I can’t be sure, but history has shown us that a Massive Online Multiplayer game can be very engrossing. It can often lead to people being drawn into a world where they forget about real life for far too long. Couple that with the responsibility of fatherhood and it makes for a difficult situation.
Gaming dads often have to be more efficient schedulers, saving their video game or television time for after the kids are put down for the night.Or, they make a decision to put the controller down for a little while and choose the more noble call of spending some quality time with the kids.
Not this guy. No way. Falbereth the Cave Troll with a +19 charisma can’t wait another minute. So we’ll just lay the baby on this hastily-folded towel and let him…uh…rest while we login and tackle that campaign together. Let the justifications begin!
"It probably…improves his hand/eye coordination at a younger age this way. It…uh…teaches him the importance of teamwork when getting the “guild” together to take on a Mindflayer. It’s... quality time that I’m spending with him, right?" After all, it’s not just about developing HIS motor skills, but fine-tuning my own so I can more effectively change his diaper, right? I say again… wow
6. A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S BABY?
Okay, let’s unpack this one. We all love unique photos. We like to see something that has never been done before, because ,let’s face it, we’re tired of the white shirts and jeans, am I right? I mean, come on, your family is different because you all decided to have bare feet for a photo. Isn’t that original? Trust us, it’s not. You have to do something way different to qualify. But not this different. What are you supposed to be? Peter Pan and Tinkerbell? That’s just awkward because Peter and Tink had a weird relationship anyway. Are you supposed to be Puck and Oberon? Or Titania? I can never remember which one is the King of the Fairies.
Anyway, you’re just making yourself look like a fool in a hat made of plastic leaves.
Not only are these poses over the top and the costumes just scary weird, but the background's got us in a corner, too. I mean, what Thomas Kincade wannabe did you get to paint that backdrop? It even includes an airbrushed butterfly that the fairy-baby appears to be staring at! I mean, I guess it’s true that “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” Even so, I don’t really think of that classic Shakespearean line when I see this photo. I think of that other one from the same play that says, “Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
7. “STAND OVER THERE, YOU’RE IN MY LIGHT.”
I almost can’t stop laughing long enough to write this. This is truly the most ridiculous Father’s Day screw up that I have ever seen. It is absolutely crazy. I can’t… Okay, I’m back. This dad is VERY serious about his “bod.” So serious that not only does he want to pose with one of his signature competition moves, but he wants sweet acid-wash-pants mom and little-bowl-cut boy to stand at a distance and away from his "glory." We know bodybuilders have to wear those awful speedos, and yes, they have to have oil applied to highlight their muscles.
But I’m not sure it’s weightlifter law that they have to do that for every photo they take…
Perhaps it’s for the best. After all, the family would only get orange tanning lotion all over themselves if they put their arms around dad, and no one wants that. Wait a minute! I just noticed something. Dad had them take this picture on their KNEES so he could make sure to use that horrendous muscle stance to try and show off his flexing... gluteus maximus. I have to admit. While it made me bust a gut from laughter, it’s pictures like this that actually start making me give up on the human race. Just a little.