Pain is meant to wake us up.
I know your heart is broken open. I know you feel betrayed even though you aren't together anymore, you feel so desperate and out of control. But keep in mind that when a relationship ends with the person we loved with all our heart, we often romanticize it, especially when that person finds someone new.
We completely forget why it didn’t work out with that person in the first place, and we start to idealize a person who was actually keeping us from being truly being happy.
It ended for a reason.
Breaking up with my ex was the best thing I ever did - but for some reason I forget that every time I look at him and his new girlfriend. Instead, all I can think of is our intense connection and how he would wipe my tears away as my walls came down that I spent years crafting.
It's very normal to start to blow up all these feelings in your head, idealizing the relationship, while completely forgetting that it ended for a reason, and probably a pretty damn good reason, too. I urge you to take a step back, and to really look at the person from a distance. In time you’ll see how the relationship was holding you back, and this is why it wasn’t meant to be at the time.
It’s very easy to get stuck in the past.
It’s very easy to go into thinking, ‘If only this or that happened differently...maybe I should have done this or this...if only….’ But at the end of the day, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to understand that you are here, you cannot change the past and you really shouldn’t regret anything - everything that you once did was fueled by something that was inside of you then, with the knowledge you had at the time.
Trust yourself. You did it for a reason, don't regret it.
The love you had can’t be compared.
The connection you had touched your soul - your relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was love. It was unfiltered, raw, electricity. He gave you all of him - unfiltered and vulnerable, and you gave him life. Sometimes, for reasons we can’t explain, two people are just incompatible, no matter how much they might love each other. Some love is meant to change your life rather than give you someone to grow old with.
Don’t waste your energy trying to understand why your ex is with the person they’re with, or how they can just move on. Just because they are with someone new, or even say they're happy, doesn’t mean they have moved on - appearances can be deceiving. Our head and heart can be a paradox all within themselves - but eventually, our feelings will catch up with us.
Love isn’t ever forgotten. But right now that’s not important. The most important thing right now is you.
Let them Go.
My ex was very toxic; he pushed me away because he wasn’t ready, causing both of us a lot of pain. He loved me madly, in a way that I’ve never been loved before, but at the end, he wasn’t good for me and that’s all that is important.
His past, his demons, ultimately led him to sabotage our relationship, making me lose the love for myself in the process of trying to fight for him. In retrospect the breakup, even though it felt like a stab wound to the heart, was actually a very positive thing.
Hanging on to someone when they haven’t done the work yet to be ready for love is a recipe for disaster - you cannot convince or inspire anyone to do the work or to choose you, you are only responsible for yourself.
It will take time and effort.
Truly moving on will require both time and effort; it’s what you do with your time that really matters. Make an active effort to focus on falling back in love with yourself.
Focus on the fact that you have made room for a more extraordinary person who will truly appreciate you to come into your life. And one day, I promise, you will realize that your ex wasn't The One - you will realize that the best part of your ex was you.