5. CONFEDERATE MAN, AWAY!
In modern fiction, the superhero is one of the biggest cultural tropes. In movies, television, and video games, they’ve become a major presence. And sometimes, they can even have a transcendent power within the real world itself. People are inspired by characters like Batman and Spider-Man, and hopefully not this guy. This guy clearly just came from the county fair face-painting station, and insisted on using the American Civil War to inspire the dumbest hero identity ever. Now, he can become the protector that the trailer park has always needed. Maybe he thought a distinct mask would help distract people and keep them from realizing it’s clearly this one guy. But, dude? How is that going to even remotely help protect your identity? That scraggly goatee thing is going to be a dead giveaway if the police ever decide to crack down on the vigilantes in the greater Alabama area.
4. MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, APPARENTLY
The modern America is a divisive place. People of differing politics and views find themselves fighting constantly online and in person. It’s a tough time to try and find the things that unite us. But this woman doesn’t much care about that. She’s more focused on conveying her personal ideas than trying to help bridge the divide. But what makes it especially funny is the fact that she clearly wanted a Donald Trump MAGA hat, but didn’t want to drop the couple bucks it takes to get one. Instead, she printed out a picture of the President and scotch taped that snapshot to her (already) Americanized cowboy hat, which just seems like she is trying too hard.
3. LOVE, WALMART STYLE
Love is beautiful. It brings us together, and helps bond us in the darkest of times. It’s an amazing thing that helps bring us together as a species despite the troubles and problems of the modern day. People finding each other in this crazy world and realizing real happiness? It’s truly amazing. So, these two should be commended for their happiness. And then they should be made fun of, because seriously? Is this really the time and the place for this framed picture? This must be their Paris. This couple expressed their love amongst the sugary snacks and drinks that fill the corridors of Walmart. And they can’t even get out of the chairs to kiss each other? Just trying to imagine these two together in a moment of passion makes everything extra uncomfortable.
2. THE SASQUATCH OF THE WALMART CIRCUIT
Just look at this guy, striding through the halls of his local super store. He has the confidence of a much younger man. This bold stride says, “Look out world, I’ve got places to be today.” And when you couple that impulse with his very specific fashion choices, this guy really stands out even amongst the crazier looks of our other Walmart oddities. The cut-off jean shorts are frayed in that special way that helps you know they were not always shorts. The muscle shirt seems to have a baby bump underneath, so there are some congratulations in order. And the weird patches of thick body hair on his chest explains where all the excess hair on top came from. But it’s still that stride that catches the most attention. It’s like that video of Bigfoot in the woods – he knows you see him, and he knows you won’t catch him.
1. I THINK YOU GOT IT
Putting on makeup is always frustrating. It has to be just right, otherwise it becomes incredibly distracting. There are plenty of ways for someone to mess up their appearance by doing a poor job of their makeup in the morning. But there’s a difference between smearing one’s lipstick, and a situation like this, which happens when someone makes a major mistake while applying some makeup. This poor woman clearly went a little overboard when applying the eye makeup before heading out to her local Walmart. When she has her eyes closed (or every time she blinks) she looks like a half-painted alien trying to pose as a human woman while trying to sabotage the human race from the inside. Her paint job is bigger than her actual eyes!