For some people, sex and relationships go hand in hand. Even though we know sex can’t be everything in a connection, it can definitely make a break a couple’s bond.
But every relationship can go through a sex drought and the partnership’s survival is dependent on how long the pair has been together. Lisa Brateman, LCSW, a relationship therapist in New York City, told Refinery 29 that every couple can get into a sex groove or funk at some point.
“They’re committed to each other and they fall into that pattern,” she says. But the rut has to eventually end, or it could end up being detrimental for the connection.
“You have to have some sort of intimacy, otherwise it’s just a friendship,” Brateman explains.
It’s also important that both partners are open and honest about how much they want to have sex. Suppressing your desires for the sake of your relationship doesn’t lead to the most auspicious outcome.
“Sometimes people want to be with somebody so badly that they’ll accept whatever terms,” Brateman explains. “But then they come into their own, and [think], This is important to me. I do have those feelings and urges.”
Owning those feelings can help increase trust and give you the type of physical attention you need.
“It’s a hard thing to talk about honestly, but it’s harder not to talk about it,” Brateman says.
If you and your partner are turning out to be sexually incompatible, Brateman advises telling your partner, “I get the sense that you’re not as interested in having sex as you were when I approached you initially. Is there something going on?”
She adds, be kind in your approach. “You’re opening up a conversation; it doesn’t have to be a confrontation,” she concludes.