After you’ve watched enough reality shows, you come to realize many scenes are scripted and character storylines fabricated, which is why those rare moments of true authenticity tend to stick out like a sore thumb, pricking the hearts of viewers and resonating in their minds for months and sometimes even years after. For me and many others, one of those real-life moments came during the “Love & Hip Hop: New York” season reunion special, which aired last spring, when rapper Mariahlynn Araujo was forced to face the harsh reality that on-again, off-again lover Richard “Rich Dollaz” Troward may not ever show up for her in the same way she does for him.
The revelation came after Araujo decided to lift the curtain on her 8-year relationship with Troward, exposing her deep love for him — much to the surprise of her fellow cast members and the chagrin of the 42-year-old self-proclaimed King of the Creep Squad. He was apparently so annoyed that he walked off of the set in the middle of her revelatory spiel. But not before completely ignoring questions from host Nina Parker about whether or not the love was mutual. Utterly embarrassed, Mariah exited the stage as well, which is when she broke down.
“You don’t back me up time after time,” said the Jersey City native, breaking down. “That’s crazy that you left me on that stage like that. Cause you know how much I care about you and you don’t back me up a little bit?”
She went on: “Are you going to go out there and back me up for once? For once, have my back,” she pleads before breaking down in tears. “This is crazy. Yes or no?”
Rich offered nothing but a blank stare, further confirming what Mariah likely already knew: he had no intention of loving her the way that she wanted to be loved. Definitely not now, perhaps not ever.
In the days and weeks that followed, both parties spoke to the press in attempts to make sense of the emotionally-charged exchange and do a bit of damage control. I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of their relationship because I don’t; however, no arrangement of carefully crafted words could deny the raw emotion we all witnessed during that backstage exchange. Mariah’s heart was broken in a way that hearts only break when we’re forced to acknowledge and accept the fact that a lover doesn’t want us in the same way that we want them.
Many took advantage of the vulnerable moment to clown Mariah for letting a man make a fool of her, but if we’re being completely honest, we’ve all been there before. Perhaps not on national television, but we’ve all been there. Some of us have been there more often than others and more than we’d like to admit. Rejection hurts — whether it’s overt or covert. However, there’s something about that silent rejection — when a partner’s words say “I want you,” but their actions scream “I don’t” — that keeps us coming back for more as if we’re glutton for punishment.
When a lover truly wants you, there’s no guesswork. There’s no begging. There’s no pleading. There’s no level of uncertainty and definitely no need to read between the lines because their actions match their words and their intentions match their effort. When a partner truly wants you, you don’t need a checklist because their plans for you and the relationship that you are building are so crystal clear nothing can convince you otherwise.
It’s perplexing how long it can take us to step back and recognize when someone isn’t checking for us. The glaring signs are almost always there, yet we find a way to rationalize them. Confronting the truth is painful, but the longer that we choose to live in willful blindness, the more pain we inflict on ourselves. Part of navigating affairs of the heart is quickly accepting when a person isn’t for us, collecting our things, and exiting stage left because we know our worth.
In the famous words of Judge Lynn Toller, “Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.” That applies to words as well as actions.