According to Lena Firestone, writer for PsychAlive.org, roughly 50% of the population can be categorized as introverts, meaning they get the most value in life out of time spent on their own. It would be easy to have a conversation about being alone versus loneliness. But I am more interested in talking about the concept of being ‘alone.’
All of us come into this world solo. We have assistance from our mothers, doctors, modern medicine, but at the root, we come into this existence solo. Somewhere along life’s journey, it becomes taboo to enjoy being alone or spending exorbitant amounts of time on our own. Where does that begin?
I have a homegirl who runs workshops on relationships with 8th and 9th graders in the NYC area, and she told me the most interesting story. She was facilitating a group on romantic relationships with a cohort of 8th graders. She stated “You guys know, it is totally fine not to date and to be single.” One student, puzzled, raised his hand. “Are you sure? I thought it was bad to be alone, isn’t it bad if no one wants to be with you?” That statement really stuck with me, and I decided to explore this concept.
I found it fascinating that at the age of 14, these students were already socialized to believe that being alone was something to fear. I think it reflects on the bigger issue of navigating this world as adults, and the concept of being alone is not something we talk about. Rather, it is something to shy away from.
I think about living in New York City. I recently moved out of the city, and the move has given me a new perspective on the concept of solitude. I realized that I was used to the accompaniment of constant noise 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The commute to work, filled with other passengers listening to music or talking on the phone was my companion. Subway performers surrounded me, littering the train cars and the voice of the MTA attendant announcing delays or construction was constantly in my ears. We are surrounded by people at work; we are in constant contact with our friends and family via phone or text. Many of us live with roommates to lessen the rising costs of living in the city. I realized that I had very little time in silence, with just myself, and my thoughts. To a degree, that was uncomfortable.
According to PsychAlive, there are pros and cons to spending time alone:
Being Alone Allows our Brains to Recharge
Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter explains that constantly being ‘on’ does not give your brain a chance to rest or replenish. Being by yourself with no distractions allows your brain to replenish itself.
Being Alone Increases Productivity
Our phones can be huge distractions to productivity. I had a student once who gave up social media for a month, and talked in class about how much more he was able to concentrate. The constant notifications from Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook can leave us struggling to complete tasks at work and at home.
Being Alone Boosts Creativity
Studies are now showing that people come up with their best ideas on their own rather than in brainstorming sessions with others. The lack of interruption and input from others allows us to reflect and think differently, leading to more “meta-cognitions.”
Being Alone can Strengthen Relationships
If you asked me a few years ago, I would never subscribe to the life of an introvert. I loved to be in the streets, at the day parties, out until 4am, living it up. Now I get my boosts from a combination of spending time in intimate social settings, or spending a few hours alone. I literally race home after a long week of work just to sit and process, and it has been rejuvenating for my spirit.
Time alone is said to strengthen relationships by helping us to appreciate time spent with others, rather than taking it for granted or being overwhelmed by it. We need to be able to live autonomously and be able to be emotionally and physically close to keep relationships strong. Dr. Carter states that “ spending time with yourself helps you gain a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, and you’re more likely going to make better choices about who you want to be around.”
For those of you who are new to carving out time strictly for yourselves, take at least an hour a day to disconnect. This could mean going for a walk, making yourself dinner, disconnecting from your phone for an hour. Anything to give yourself a break from the grind. Your brain will thank you for it.