“I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does.” -The Smiths
“All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love.” –Leo Tolstoy
Communication is effective. When we talk with each other, ideas move freely. Plans are conceived. We laugh. We agree. We debate. We share a vision. We connect. When we get bombarded by life occurrences, meaningful conversations tend to slip by easily.
Always remember why you got together in the first place. It might give you a good kickstart! Here are three keys to keeping your relationship moving in the right direction.
1. Communicate your vision with each other.
Does one of you have a big dream that the other doesn’t know about it? Or, do you have a stalled, shared idea of what will come next? Either way, keep talking about it and moving towards it. Two minds on one destination will help get you there quickly and more efficiently. When one person wants to be on the East Coast and the other wants to be on the West Coast, it’s obvious that it will take longer to achieve a shared goal. So, get on the same page and start the plan.
Keep the communication going. Communication isn’t occasional. It’s ongoing. Express what you’re thinking. Express your desires with him. Do you want to do something outrageous and don’t know how to bring it up? Work on your courage to tell him. It will only strengthen your relationship.
2. Be supportive!
Show your spouse that you recognize your partnership. Everyone wants to be supported, acknowledged, and understood. Let them know regularly that you care. If you’ve been together for a while, you may think that he already knows, but it doesn’t hurt to let him know more often. It’s easy to get caught up in your head. Step outside of your mind and think how great it feels to be thought of unexpectedly. It feels good! It’s an easy way to get re-connected.
Support him. Is your husband working hard? Almost too hard? Or is he not working enough? Whatever the case may be, let him know that you appreciate him. Know that nagging doesn’t do much good. It’s fine to discuss varying sides amicably, but no one wants to be berated. Show him some love. Appreciation goes a long way.
3. Allow freedom.
Even though some men love to be needed, it is wise to let your husband know that he has space. If you question every move he makes, if you scold him, or if feels like he can’t go anywhere without reporting to you, it will make him feel stifled. Developing your own interests and going out on your own—taking up independent interests—will draw him to you naturally. Think the opposite of dependence and you will find more care. It’s the paradox of relationships: Give him space and he will give you deeper respect.
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It’s great to have fun in your relationship, clearly. Being mature and not so dramatic will keep you going in a direction you may never have thought was possible. Learn from the past and move forward. Don’t dwell in the past. The past is designed to help you know what works and what doesn’t. Don’t feel hostage to old decisions. Move forward and take some risks.
Numbness is comfortable. We don’t want that; we need to feel alive. Being alive and “becoming” causes friction and movement. Comfort doesn’t move us very far but friction and turbulence take us places. Make a decision not to be overly needy. You will be more attractive if you are self-sufficient. No matter who your mate or partner is, know that your independence is important. Be proactive, not reactive. Don’t lose your cool. Think bigger. Stop cutting coupons. Figure out how you can become more instead.
Spend time thinking about your personal talents. You will start to think more productively and resourcefully. This will help you to start to be less dependent.
Stay positive and decide not to have a bad day. Mike Bloomberg has been quoted as saying a few years ago, “I’m 73 years old, I don’t do doubt and I don’t do bad days.” Concentrate on your relationship and your shared focus. If you decide to block out doubt, or use it as a compass point, you are going to move far.
Look for the good in your husband. Look at him and notice what you like about him. It’s common to unconsciously judge; it’s usually an auto-pilot effect. If you decide to click on the admiration switch in your mind, you will start to notice what you like about your husband, other people, and thus, in turn, you will see the good in yourself, too. When you start to notice what you respect in others, you will begin to develop that, too.