James Van Der Beek Gives an Emotional Plea for Why We Shouldn't Call It 'Miscarriage'

vanderjames

Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start. Second... it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then... once you’re able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you’ve been warned 😍). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way... Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage #WeNeedANewName #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout @vanderkimberly

Any woman who has experienced the pain of pregnancy loss knows what inevitably follows: sorrow, confusion and a niggling feeling of guilt.

Even when you know that most miscarriages are unavoidable—caused by a chromosomal abnormality or a host of other factors that aren’t your fault—you can’t help but feel like you should have done something, anything, differently.

Well, James Van Der Beek is here to tell you to let that guilt go. In an emotional Instagram post, the actor opened up about his family’s own experience with miscarriage, and provided a compelling argument for why we shouldn’t even call pregnancy loss "miscarriage" to begin with. It’s good stuff.

If you follow Van Der Beek on social media (and if you’re a true Dawson’s Creek fan, how could you not?), you know he has five adorable children with his wife Kimberly Brook. Here are four of his cuties below:

vanderjames

When you turn the TV off, bugs become rock stars ⭐️

But the couple has also gone through the heartbreak of three miscarriages, he revealed in the post, including one before the birth of his youngest, 3-month-old Gwendolyn.

“It will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced,” he says. “So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it its rightful space.”

In fact, he’d really like us to call it something else altogether. “We need a new word for it," he says. "‘Mis-carriage,’ in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother—as if she dropped something, or failed to ‘carry.’ From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start."

He ends the post with the hashtag #WeNeedaNewName and #MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout, and he couldn’t be more right on both points. There’s still so much secrecy and shame surrounding pregnancy loss, but there shouldn’t be (except when it’s sadly necessary to protect your job). It’s heartbreaking and painful, but it’s incredibly common. One in four pregnancies end in loss.

It’s so refreshing to see celebrities—and especially dads—opening up about their struggles trying to conceive. Van Der Beek deserves a big kudos for not only helping to normalize pregnancy loss, but also for defending women, who often carry so much guilt, even when we shouldn’t.